Where for art thou, beautiful dress?

You’d think the whole world has just gone back in time to 1972 by the look of the dresses, blouses, etc., that are hanging on the racks in the department stores lately!  Either that or they had a sale on polyester overstock fabric and the fashion designers were on a tight budget!  What’s with the tunics?  Fringed suede-look vests?  I’m not Jewish but . . . OY!

I went shopping as you can see, got the birthday gifts purchased, then tried to find one new dress to wear for Easter Sunday and a wedding in May.  Do the stores have dresses in spring colors? No.  They have mainly black, white and brown with a dash of navy blue and some jewel tones, oh and Red-bright, bold, look like a prostitute Red.  Don’t get me wrong, I like a red dress now and then, but these were the plunging neckline version of red.  No one needs to know just how far south my breasts have gone, but they would if I wore one of these.  I went to Target (yeah, I don’t know what I expected to find there either-just desperation I think), Sears, JC Penney’s, Macy’s (got to talk to my nephew there and found a shirt and tank top that I can wear with my khaki pants for Easter Sunday if pressed for options). 

Then I found Dress Barn.  Sounds like a nice big store full of dresses, right?  Well, not at the shopping mall I went to.  It was a small store and the front half held dresses.  They did have a helpful sales clerk.  Yes, I believe four dresses in the fitting room at one time will be enough for me-I thought.  The first made my hips look horrendously huge, the second was too tight and the fourth one, well, I had been saying no to all of the helpful sales clerk’s suggestions and took that one in only to appease my conscience that I wasn’t a mean, nasty, hard to please, old lady.  But the third one was okay, fuschia, tailored in a more Liz Claiborne type of style-square neckline, straight sleeveless sheath type and I liked it.  But the sleeveless part was a bit much, so back to the helpful sales clerk.  And six, yes six, cardigans (three in black, two in white and one in cream) later, I was back in the dressing room.  All of the lacy knit/crocheted cardigans didn’t work with the dress, but there was one that was solid black knit and that one looked good with it.  Yes, bag the dress and that solid cardigan and even though I probably won’t wear it for Easter, at least it will be appropriate for the wedding.

I’m going to wear the dress I bought two years ago for Easter Sunday.  I can’t bear another shopping trip like this one.  The moral of this story:  Never shop for dresses the week before your period hits.  Bloating doesn’t make anything look good.  And PMS isn’t a good way to deal with sales clerks. She deserves sainthood, that one!


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. shoestringalley
    Apr 11, 2009 @ 08:12:13

    I feel your pain! I am fairly slim but for some reason I look shockingly bad in dresses. Two years ago I was determined to wear a dress to my friends wedding. I tried on SIXTEEN dresses before going home in a major huff!

  2. thefrenchchick
    Apr 15, 2009 @ 14:24:29

    Thank you. The worst of it is that even though I bought the dress, after the fiasco of the dress that I bought and wore to my Mom & Dad’s 50th wedding anniversary, I refuse to actually wear this dress out of the house until I can get a picture taken of me in the dress. I thought the dress I bought for the anniversary party looked good on me, but when the pictures came back, I looked awful. I’m glad the anniversary party was fun. I just wish someone had told me to choose a different dress.

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